Sunday, April 12, 2009
for those who has been asking,this is for you.
something is dead wrong with me.
seriously.
i've been getting weird flashbacks.
i've been imagining/seeing weird things.
i've been negative lately.
i've not been myself recently.
cause ;
i'm starting to not trust myself.
i'm starting to hate myself.
i'm starting to hate being ill.
i'm starting to hate treatments, too.
i can't explain the pain i'm going through exactly.
it is so painful that i cried myself to sleep every night, silently.
it is so painful that i wished i'm better off being dead.
it is so painful that sometimes i gave up trying to be strong.
it is hard being strong through this phase.
it is even harder to act strong in front of all of you.
it is worst knowing that i'm troubling my loved ones, the boyf and my family.
and maybe you.
friends come and go,
to friends who has left me during my darkest days,
i wish you the best in life.
to friends who stayed by me when i'm healthy and sick,
i thank you, really from the bottom of my heart.
to my girls,
i could never thank you girls enough.
for the fun times, the sad times, those catfights we had,
it was all worthwhile, really.
yall are imprinted in my heart, no doubt.
to my baby,
i'm indebted to you in every single way.
for your never-ending care and concern and love for me,
i really thank god for your existence.
i love you baby.
to my family,
i can't thank you enough for making my life possible.
i can't thank you enough for making our home a warm and happy one.
i can't be the best daughter or sister ever,
but i love yall more than my very own life.
it has been a very wordy and teary entry.
i'm sorry if i have bore you.
goodnight and goodmorning.
=))